final crit...

i am really bummed that i had to miss the majority of our final crit. i was really very interested in the work everyone produced. sorry, but i had obligations to my children... sorry to all those that i missed.
i am feeling kind of unsure about how my crit went. thought maybe someone out there could put it into perspective for me. i knew that my images were formal in nature, i actually intended them to be. kind of painterly representations of some of my surroundings. i know they were not as intense as my self portrait. they were intended as example of a completely different genre. in a way they felt like pieces to future puzzles that simply haven't fully developed yet. i actually like the work that i produced for the final. i am happy with it. i don't necessarily feel like it is the end of the road for these pieces, perhaps they will become the backdrop for something more dramatic in the future... i felt that all along.
i guess what i am a bit confused about is the popularity (or lack there of) or the validity of formal art. i also feel confused as to whether or not my classmates felt my work was successful at being what it was intended to be. i feel like alot of the focus of the critique of my work was about simply identifying what it was... "formal", "asthetic" and not something overtly personally revealing. i felt like getting people to admit that it was formal was like getting them to admit to me that my work sucked. after i left i replayed the experience in my mind and realized that no one really commented on whether or not they were successful at being simply formal, painterly digital images of my natural surroundings. surely not all art needs to be hugely revealing and personal. personally i can only dish out so much of my drama to others. thus i thought i would try something else.
i do need to say that my final project, whether the images were interesting to anyone but me or not, was a huge learning process for me. i feel like i really dug into the program to pull things out of it that i didn't know existed to get these images. for my self portrait i basically flew by the seat of my pants. it was really emotional just to create that image and a bit disturbing for me to share it. i think because of that i steared away from such draining work, focusing on color and composition and the simple figuring out of photoshop by myself. so all in all i feel successful. but, i guess i just didn't feel like i got a very clear idea of what you all felt. i am looking for feedback because i am curious and would like honest opinion. i am not afraid of criticism at all and would appreciate it if anyone is still reading these blogs...

walking softly... carrying an inhaler

so i have been all drummed up about the issues we have been discussing. i see the point that sama is shedding light on with the qoute from sontag's writing. it's true. by our living the way that we do, others inevitably suffer. for that very reason every christmas for the past seven years my husband gets depressed and doesn't buy me a christmas present. "consumerism... it is pure evil." i used to mind, feel bad that i was the only one with an empty stocking on christmas morning, because by default it was his job to buy me a gift... i thought that it made me look unimportant to my children, that mommy doesn't deserve to get gifts... blah blah blah. now i fill my own stocking along with everyone else's.

don't get me wrong though, i am not a shopshopshopper... i make the bulk of the gifts our family gives and try to be frugal with shopping, buy locally made things, but it isn't always possible. i am trying to point out a conundrum i face with this isssue in mind... my husband gets consumed by guilt thinking of the rest of the world and as his one action to revolt against the damage our collective consumerism does (besides endlessly and might i add, fruitlessly, lecturing on the subject) , he boycotts christmas and other giftgiving holidays. i don't see him doing anything else to try to rectify the situation. he still buys his building supplies at home depot... he still drives his gas guzzling truck... he doesn't live any humbler despite his rants. he talks about life in america, that he doesn't want to live here. he says he would like to know real suffering and have to live off of the land instead of how we live here... (walmart has everything you need... fast and cheap). he wants to reshuffle the deck, so to speak and he wants to take me and our children with him.

in some idealistic way i understand him. live far out in the country on a farm, how lovely the idea is. to teach my children real survival skills...but at the same time... "my children", i think to myself, my son has asthma and needs medicine that i can't pull out of my ass or make from hay, hemp and goat's milk. i know that without the medical facilities that i have access to, without being able to drive, without being close to the doctor, my son would never have survived his first asthma attack. if we were truly to "even things out", my son would suffer and probably die. so do we give up our home, cars and access to the "stuff" that has been helping us? do we let our son die because the world is overpopulated and we are greedily trying to extend the life of humanbeings with medicine to the point where we are inevitably destroying our planet? what the hell do i know?

i am thankful for the opportunities i have been blessed with. i don't want to be a glutonous, insatiable american, but i suppose that in some ways i am. i have encountered unthinkable obstacles in my life ( i can't even go there), i work hard, really hard, for the life i have, but in some ways all i have was handed to me simply because i was born here... the united states, during this time period. i have the opportunity for education, i have a good job that pays for what my family needs to survive and then some. i have worked really hard to pull my family out of literal poverty and have done a really good job. some of my life is luck, and there are aspects of my life that are not helping the general welfare of the world...but i work nonstop trying to improve it. my goal with my schooling is to be an art therapist, work with children and try to help make the world a better place, however idealistic that may sound.

i think the point i was initially trying to make about art in my previous blog is a little fuzzed by my vinegary froth of righteousness. i think that in some ways i don't relate to american ideals. i have always felt a little foreign here. i don't know where i think i'm from, but in other cultures i often see snippets of ideals and things i relate to. my own country leaves me feeling angered and frustrated and seething. so, i suppose i feel like it is okay to comment on this, create art about things outside of who i am and also about things in my world. i also realize how art is filtered by the eyes of the viewer. i am an american and that will always be part of how my art is viewed, consiously or not. i am angered by this stereotyping, by both the privilege and disgrace i know as an american, but i am also not in any position to give it up entirely either. conundrum.

curves and levels...

i am amazed at the difference levels and curves can make... depth... color... thought i'd post my image before and after.

creating...

I am trying to create some cohesive element in these pieces I've been working on. Beyond the fact that they are from the same photo shoot in my yard in Novemeber, I felt as though the styles were too different. I also have been having the problem of my colors being too hot, I get that exclamation mark with the dropper everywhere. So to solve both of these dilemmas I created my own filter of sorts by adding the same layer to each work. It muted the tones and gave texture. The first one, the sepia toned one, I think I am happy with. I also like the next one, the hydrangeas... but the rosehips on the bottom are giving me a headache. There is something not quite painterly about that one and it may need to be discarded from this group. If anyone has any ideas on how to get it feeling more incorporated, speak out. Perhaps erasing the leaves???

americanization

I just read Sarra's blog and I feel the need to comment... I feel pegged. I feel as though I am an American, a Westerner and that because of the reputation that my country has on this planet at the moment that I am being discriminated against.
We had a conversation about Orientalism, or Exoticism. Basically the glorification of the "exotic" nature of other cultures to the western eye, thus the supposed missunderstanding of that culture. Words in Kanji or Arabic put into a piece of artwork without their meaning being understood. Back in the day, the pictures of herams... of hukas... extravagance that was purely the fantasy of the westerner, not the reality of the subject.
Personally, (and of course I need to ask the question who am I before this statement...) I feel as though works such as those by Dorothy Krause are important. Perhaps she has misunderstood some of what she has documented. Of course that is a possibilty, but people in America need exposure to other places. I feel that our country is ill. Somewhere within our boundries their lies a body of disciples to some misshapen ideal; ignorant, egocentric folks that believe the world is theirs to rape and pillage as they see fit... all under the guise of being American. I'm not sure if those people can be educated out of their dillerium, but I know that exposure to the beauty of foreign lands could certainly be a start. Americans could use a little Easternization.
Documentation, pure journalism... that is, documentation with the acknowledgemant that their is always a bias present... is sincere and important to expose the primitive and reputation-forming part of our country to. If not the beauty an artist might see, then what? The "enemy" through another's eye?
I am tired of being thrown into the category of Westerner, American. I was born here, yes, but it is not my fault. I feel that I am more than that. I have renounced the things in my life which I felt were prejudiced, and unfair to the world, such as the religion I was born into... Catholicism. It was no easy thing for me either. I almost isolated myself from my family... I would have if it weren't for their own personal growth and acceptance of "otherness." Unfortunatley I am an American. I know that just because of that I am indirectly loathed throughout the world. Isn't that reaction similar to what we are discussing? Isn't the overall demoralization of a country by outsiders the same as the glorification of one?
I guess that our discussion left me feeling pigeonholed. In my life I teeter on other cultures. My family is Italian. My husband's is Japanese. I am an American, but I don't relate to the ideals of my country and often feel powerless as far as the portrayal of Americans to the rest of this planet.
At my house we fly the Earth flag because in my heart I know we are all related. I think we can all learn from each other and that there are human attributes that connect us all, de-nationalize us. I would like to dwell on that instead of the fact that I am different from someone from India, or Viet Nam or Japan or Brazil. I think that it is high time to begin letting our world become smaller and connected.. perhaps through art. Let someone else come photograph my world and misinterpret it. It's okay. Everything out there is filtered through the eyes of the creator anyway. We all have biases... what do you think is beautiful or hideous, worthy of note? It'll differ from the person sitting next to you, maybe even from the people you share your life with. All of those opinions count. All the different interpretations of life are meaningful. If we only concetrate on what we know then those without a loud enough voice may go unheard. We could remain separate. I suppose if things keep going the way they are, if we leave the power in the hands it is in, we very well may.

to make good art you need $$$$$$

in researching Dorothy Simpson Krause for my artist profile tomorrow I have discovered a lot about how to make really lovely, deep toned, rich prints. The first thing I learned was that in order to produce quality art one has to sink a pretty penny into equipment and materials. Often times the difference between a nice print and an amazing one is the output device. It is funny to me that a lot of the digital artists I have read about all talk about what they print with, the Epsom 9600, bale blah blah... Flat bed printers that can print onto a 1 1/2 inch thick substrate. Also the materials one uses have to be top quality. The technique and skill one has is also, of course, important. I guess it's like cooking, a good kitchen and tools, the ingredients, their freshness and quality all count, and so does the chef.
I did discover in my research a couple of interesting things. I love, as I have said previously, really rich color. Umber, Red, Gold... I found a link to a company that produces this stuff... I don't know what to call it really. It is called inkAID and basically preps a substrate to add depth of color and luminance. It primes many surfaces allowing you to print on metal and it seals porous paper really nicely, or so they say. There are varieties of it, clear, gold, red, blue... They even offer a free sample pack of six different types of the magic stuff for free to first time buyers. Well, you pay $24 for shipping and handling. You can read more about it at www.inkaid.com .
I also read a bit about encaustic... Basically painting with pigment suspended in wax. It produces a really deep and I assume physically thick image. The pigment is literally suspended in the wax so you can look right into it.
the other thing I read about that I found interesting was "lenticular" imagery. Basically it is a method of creating mock 3-D images. You use photoshop to create 8 or so layers of the same image and layer them slightly off left to recede, right to protrude and then you run through a program called "flip!" and it created the image for you. From what I read you then mount the images in a convex, lenticular lens for displaying. It looks deep to the viewer.
these are all techniques that Krause has employed in her work, among many others. She is a true educator and seems willing to share a lot of what she discovers with the rest of the world which is something I admire...